BeccaBear's Blog

The cat’s pajamas

Tag Archives: Life

10%

Of situations worried over are actually worth it. Everything’s fine for today.

Except the weather. Florida is number one in moody weather. The other day I was concerned I couldn’t go running because on my lunch break an ominous black cloud hovered over my house. Rain occurred and then a few hours later I was running in sunny, hot, humid weather at 6 pm.

Now, about 30 minutes before going to work at the new satellite office it is pouring down rain. My scrubs are going to get wet and I may very well catch a cold. Thanks florida.

Side note on me running: I do. If you told me a year or so ago I would be running twice, soon to be three times, a week I would look at you like you were bat shit and bid you a good day. I was never much of a runner and on the few occasions I did in my high school/ college days I thought I was dying. I still think I am, but I enjoy dying a little more than I thought I would.

I even like dying so much I am torturing myself by training for a half marathon in October (yikes). Wish me luck.

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Plus I’ll get an awesome bumper sticker.

Worth it.

Anxious

The amount of anxiety inside my mind and body feels like it’s oozing out bit by bit. I can’t seem to put my finger on exactly what is bothering me but I can take a guess it has something to do with my relationship, as that’s the only reason I get really anxious like this. Read more of this post

Silver Lining Kind of Girl

I sat back this morning and looked at all my accomplishments in the 25 years I have been on this earth to realize I’m a beautiful person, inside and out. Don’t give me wrong I’m not being conceited; I realize there are people in the world have done much better than myself with a lot less to work with. But, I feel like I’ve worked my ass off and have done pretty damn good for myself and my future, whatever it may bring.

If more people in the world realize how far they’ve come I think this world would be a brighter, happier place. When my friends or family think down or poorly on themselves I always try to point out all the amazing things they have done, not everything they have not. Sometimes it is just up to the person to realize though.

It’s like being told advice as a child and not following said advice until you make your own mistakes and learn from them. Then you think back on it and decide you should of listened to so-and-so from the beginning, but it’s that moment of fucking up and fixing it that makes you really grow as a person. It builds character, or so they say.

I have a pretty complex character.

~

I have recently closed a few chapters in my very large novel called “Life.” The chapters entitled “Single” and “Give your father another chance” are officially done and over with.

On April 19, 2014, I married the man of my dreams, who puts up with my bitching, whose weirdness is equivalent only to my own, and who still refuses to clean out the cat boxes.

The wedding was amazing and I couldn’t have asked for a better one. All the important people were there, which concluded the following chapter about my father on the same day. I will post some pictures later my amazing photographer, Jason Nix, is sending them on a disk which should be arriving today.

We are also moving, again, hopefully for the last time into my moms house. She is vacating to live with her hunky Navy engineer boyfriend who I hope does not cheat on her, treat her like shit, or ruin her life like the previous douche bag, who recently got ran over by a truck and his new girlfriend is pregnant (KARMA).

I’m still a little bitter, if you can’t tell.

~

Even with all the bad shit I still love my life.

Best Friends

A best friend is someone that you can always count on.

They could be a million miles away,
For a million years,
And when they come back it’s like that distance and time never even happened,
Like you’ve been together the whole time.

You can still fight,
still bitch,
still drive each other absolutely mad,But you will always be there for each other when you need it the most.

When you make stupid decisions,
If they aren’t making them with you,
They are the one telling it to you straight.
No beating around the bush,
‘You’re a fucking idiot.’
And they will be right there when you keep doing stupid shit to say:
‘I told you so.’

Then help you pick up the pieces.

They’re the shoulder you cry on.
The ones that make you smile.
The ones you make the best memories with.
The ones that change your life forever.

They’re your family.
And no one
~makes fun of
~hates on
~fights with
your family
Except for you.

If you are reading this you are probably thinking of your best friend,
And if you don’t have a best friend you surely need one.

Life~

Happy to announce two months into my resolution and I am getting better about my bitching! I have a tangent every once in a while but I feel a lot happier when I don’t let things get to me so much.

Also in 1 month and 19 days I’m getting married! Holy crap! Planning a wedding is so stressful, hard and expensive! And we aren’t even spending nearly as much as a lot of people I know did. Can’t wait for the day to be over so I can stop planning haha.

I’m also back to playing with makeup a lot more which makes me happy. Haven’t really had the opportunity with the business lately but here are some recent looks.

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I know a few of these have been posted on here before but if you want tutorials on any of them let me know I’d love to make some❤️

I think the millions of makeup pictures on this post are enough to keep you entertained for now~ next up cats!

And dont forget to check out my recent posts on juicing and a few reviews on some products I have been using lately.

~stay beautiful to yourself because your opinion is the only one that matters most~

Lady Luck Smiles on Me

Quite often.

Id like to start off by saying that what you believe in is based off of your opinions, how you grew up, and the people you grew up around. Everyone’s opinion is influence by someone or something else. Often times, you see people who grew up in a closed community and then venture off into the real world for a little dose of culture shock. A good example of this is one of my dear friends who passed away a few years back; when he was a child he grew up in this little nothing town in Alabama where there is one grocery store on the ‘white’ side of town and one grocery store on the ‘black’ side of town, yes, even upon this very day. Well, the ‘white’ community had a very strong belief about being gay: you don’t.

Unfortunately, the problem for my friend is that he was. But it was drilled into his head every day that you should not be gay, therefore, he tried to not be gay. His attempts got him very far in public but when he reached a certain age he opened a very private door. He was very popular in school, dated many girls, even got married and had a kid after he left. As often as I heard people ask, “How does that happen?” I never got tired of his, “Well, when a mommy and daddy have sex…” response.

What he told me is that it just felt like ‘the right thing to do.’ He said it was like there were two parts of him: the one that drove to be like everyone else while the community was watching and the one that had the fake ID to get him into the gay club. He soon found out that if he dressed in drag and went to the gay club it didn’t matter what his fake ID looked like, he would always get in because no one questions a drag queen.

Suffice to say this little town is still the same and I couldn’t be happier he escaped to live his life to the fullest until the day his heart gave up. Rest in peace, my friend.

So, the point of the post is that I feel there really isn’t a particular influence that helped sculpt my opinions. Mostly because I don’t really know what my opinions are. My whole life is nothing but gray, there is no black and white. I could say, “Well, this could be what I believe; I really like the idea of it.” But then I find some pros of the complete opposite and can’t decide which I like more because I know both are right in some way. On top of that I live in such a diverse community filled with tourist and locals who are all of different ethnic groups. It also doesn’t help that I’m so open minded to other belief systems, thoughts and ideas.

One such idea that I can’t put my thumb on is luck. I don’t know if there is such thing as luck or karma or a predetermined destiny, if you will but I know that there is something out there giving me a thumbs up. I was lucky enough to have a good hand of cards given to me at birth and somehow I just keep getting them.

I mean, you don’t lose your phone that has your ID and debit card in it in New Orleans on Bourbon Street and have someone actually give it back to you. That just doesn’t happen.

I don’t want to believe in predetermined destiny. I could understand that there is something in the world that says, “This person will chose this at this particular time and place and it will impact so-and-so as such,” but I would really just like to think that my thoughts and actions are mine and mine alone and not all that predicable. Maybe I need to throw myself for a loop every so often and go to register 5 instead of 1 at Walmart. Waiting in line for a little while longer might do me some good. Then again, maybe it’s expected of me.

But I absolutely love the idea of karma, that my thoughts and actions will determine what my future is like. I get really unsure sometimes because most of my days are full with the phrase, “I’m going to hell,” for my thoughts and actions about other people and that surely can’t be a positive point for my future. So, is my heart really in a good place? Or is karma waiting to come bite me in the rear end for all those negative times? If karma is the real deal I feel like I have stayed under the radar and my time is coming. But maybe I am thinking too much into it and worrying over nothing. Everything will balance out one day I suppose, that I do surely believe

So whether lady luck is blowing on my dice or if I have made the cosmos happy with my positive vibes, I’m not sure.

But I am one lucky son of a bitch (not just because of what happened on Bourbon either). And I couldn’t be more grateful.

Just Wait…

I don’t believe we ever fully get over the trauma(s) in our life. Do most of us move on and try to help others move on with theirs? Of course!

But the thoughts and worry are always in the back of your mind.

The pictures of those memories are burned behind your eyelids for when you close your eyes. And some days they are hard to look past.

And that voice, even 1/10/20/30 years later, is ever present.
Listening and watching to effect you again, or the important people in your life.
Always whispering in the back of your mind,

“… Just Wait”

 

 

~Do not live your life in fear of what may happen. Just be constantly aware what you think is impossible can be just the opposite. My words of wisdom for the day/

Cheers.

Life and art

Life is one giant gamble.

If you have something good but you aspire for more, is there a sign to hit or stay?

On that note here is some art!

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This is of course Buddha. For reference picture just google image “buddha.” I tried a different style for this that my usual all done in permanent marker and instead of normal shading I used a dotting technique (it’s called something; The name has slipped my mind). Im not very good at it YET! Practice makes perfect so Im sure I will try again.

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And this BEAUTIFUL lady is named Rose Shock (reference pictures on instagram under username Roseshock). I love her makeup, style and artistic talent she is pretty amazing. This of course inspired me to draw her so here you go enjoy!

Never Good bye

I suppose I won’t see you for a while, so farewell, best of luck, avoid roasted cabbage, don’t eat earwax, and look on the bright side of life!

-Angela Eldest

I walked in the room with my mom to say my farewells. After all, we waited for months in that waiting room. Every other day after school, more if I could convince my mom we needed to be there. They wouldn’t let me go in alone.

I was only in there one other time and I don’t think she could understand what I was saying, even if she could hear me.

Covered in bruises and scrapes, pale but still holding on.

I tried to tell her we were all waiting for her to wake up. About everyone in the waiting room, everyone at school, all the girls we danced with growing up.

I couldn’t stop crying. They told me to be strong for her, but how could I? How could I wake every morning since the accident and not fear the worst after seeing what that van did to her small, petit frame.

As I sat there staring at her the second time, I just wanted her to read all the notes I put in her locker, every day while we all waited. I thought it would help her stay strong enough to wake up. All I would do in class is write her letters. I convinced all my friends to write her letters too, wishing her a speedy recovery. Most of them did.

I had a friend on my bus ask me one day,
“What happens if she doesn’t wake up?”

My only response was,
“She will. She can’t leave me yet.”

And when I sat there staring at my best friend who would never speak our made up language and make silly dance routines to our favorite songs again, all I could say was:

“I miss you.”

And when the weeks proceeded I stared at the empty, oddly shaped vessel whose face was painted on to look like her, all I could say was:

“I hope we meet again.”

I was in the 8th grade when my world spiraled down and crashed. I was a damn good little actress from then on out. Where I couldn’t convince people I was fine, I shut them out.

And as I grew up the open wound in my heart, it eventually scarred over with the initials KMK forever embedded in it.

You taught me the most important lesson of my life and I will never forget you, even 11 years later.

Since that day I will always remember:

It is never good bye. Because one day we will me again. One day.

Forever yours~
Becker

Ordinary Days

I always take walks in the morning; it starts my day in a calm, relaxing sort of way. Plus nature is amazing and animals are beautiful. I always find something interesting to see where I walk, even if it’s the same place every day.

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Ducks. Freaking cuties.Image

A barnacle infested dingy made its way to the shore. Pretty cool.

There was a heron that landed on one of the tall lights and its wings were spread, beak open, sun in the background picture perfect! But I was too busy gawking to open my camera. Fore shame.

 

Today is just one of those days that I don’t want to be around people. Nothing personal, I just enjoy sitting around literally wasting my time because it doesn’t happen very often and I give up a lot of my free time to make my friends happy! Not that I mind since that generally means I, too, am happy but there is something about doing things during the day at your own pace, without stress, or having to worry about other people’s time constraints.

I spent pretty much 4 years straight doing nothing but going to school full time, working full time, being in a full time relationship, making everyone as happy as I could with what spare time I actually had and doing it all with a sarcastic smile on my face and a death metal song in my heart. It wears on a person and I lost a lot of the things I loved at that time.

But, school is done. For now. And I am perfectly happy where I am with my job, relationships and back to doing the things I love.