BeccaBear's Blog

The cat’s pajamas

Tag Archives: hurt

Eyes wide open

The pain and irritation you cause is weighing me down.
I would rather scoop my eye right out of its socket than deal with you for another minute.

You think you have the right to get in my business?
And when I try to get you out of it, you evade me.
You’re so stubborn like that.

Sometimes I’m so scare of getting rid of you.
I know it might hurt, because this happens to me a lot.
But it needs to happen.
You have to get out.

My eyes become red and I get so tired of fighting with you.
People notice too… I always keep a bottle of visine in my purse just in case you effect me.
Because you always do at the worst times.
And you literally bring tears to my eye sometimes.
You’re that bad.

Sometimes I can’t even see you, but I know you’re there…

Why wont you get out of my eye, you stupid eyelash?!

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I am Lost

Everyone in life goes through ups and downs.
We all have our depressed moments in life and our happy ones.

I can gladly inform you I am no different from the rest of you.
I know many who had it much rougher than myself
And  I know those who had it easier than me.

Heart Break
Suicide
Abuse
Bullying
Addiction
Sex
Obseity
Loss
Drugs
Alcohol
Anorexia
Loneliness
I wont tell you which of those apply to me, but I know you’re thinking of the ones that apply to you.

We all go through it and my best advice on getting to the other side of that dark tunnel is:
Fight your fucking way out even if it kills you.
Don’t depend on others for your fight.
This is for you and your well being, not theirs.
They wont fight as hard for you as you will for yourself.

I can safely say I have fought my way out of my dark pit on many occasions
and when I feel myself slipping back into it I start building my ladder before I descend.

Everyone has a crutch.
Something to make them feel Sane,
Wanted,
Cared about,
Even Loved.

Something they can devote themselves to fully that fills them with joy and happiness.

I myself have many things I have discovered over the years that made me happy
Music
Art
Colorguard
Dancing
Friends
Hell, the Internet.
And when I feel that dark cloud hanging over my head I grasp one of them with all my might and strangle the light back into me.

But I lost a good portion of those things when I finally thought I had truly made myself happy and would not look back to the sadness and despair.
After all, I finally left high school,
Got an education,
Found love,
I became an adult.

Adults don’t need those things.
Adults just wake up in the morning,
And do what they are suppose to.

They have a great life.
They go get a job.
Or a career.
They pay bills.
They fall in love.
They have a family.
They fuck their family up on the occasion.
And then they move on.
Bullshit.

Childish way to look at thing, I know
But we all have to learn.

Through my stages of [content] life I can feel my demons creeping up on me again,
And in my harsh reality I realized I needed to find myself again.
I need those things I loved to pull me out of what may come.

You only go up from down,
And you can only go down from up.
Its a constant battle and even if you stay up in the air for a long period of time never forget:
The ground is waiting to catch you,
And it wont be gentle.

So I am seeking myself back out,
Trying to find the strong person who I was,
And molding myself into someone greater.
Someone more alive.
Someone who can share hope with others.

And most importantly
Love.

I want to surround those I care about most with Love.