BeccaBear's Blog

The cat’s pajamas

Monthly Archives: August 2013

Never Good bye

I suppose I won’t see you for a while, so farewell, best of luck, avoid roasted cabbage, don’t eat earwax, and look on the bright side of life!

-Angela Eldest

I walked in the room with my mom to say my farewells. After all, we waited for months in that waiting room. Every other day after school, more if I could convince my mom we needed to be there. They wouldn’t let me go in alone.

I was only in there one other time and I don’t think she could understand what I was saying, even if she could hear me.

Covered in bruises and scrapes, pale but still holding on.

I tried to tell her we were all waiting for her to wake up. About everyone in the waiting room, everyone at school, all the girls we danced with growing up.

I couldn’t stop crying. They told me to be strong for her, but how could I? How could I wake every morning since the accident and not fear the worst after seeing what that van did to her small, petit frame.

As I sat there staring at her the second time, I just wanted her to read all the notes I put in her locker, every day while we all waited. I thought it would help her stay strong enough to wake up. All I would do in class is write her letters. I convinced all my friends to write her letters too, wishing her a speedy recovery. Most of them did.

I had a friend on my bus ask me one day,
“What happens if she doesn’t wake up?”

My only response was,
“She will. She can’t leave me yet.”

And when I sat there staring at my best friend who would never speak our made up language and make silly dance routines to our favorite songs again, all I could say was:

“I miss you.”

And when the weeks proceeded I stared at the empty, oddly shaped vessel whose face was painted on to look like her, all I could say was:

“I hope we meet again.”

I was in the 8th grade when my world spiraled down and crashed. I was a damn good little actress from then on out. Where I couldn’t convince people I was fine, I shut them out.

And as I grew up the open wound in my heart, it eventually scarred over with the initials KMK forever embedded in it.

You taught me the most important lesson of my life and I will never forget you, even 11 years later.

Since that day I will always remember:

It is never good bye. Because one day we will me again. One day.

Forever yours~


Insert foot into mouth

I took an Astronomy class once in college for an elective just because it seemed interesting. Well, I was disappointed. The big telescope in the top tower was broken.

Strike one.

All we talked about in class was dates of discoveries, the names of planets in our solar system (Pluto was a hot topic during one session), and stars are suns. A couple of other things too, I’m sure. However, if you want me to pay attention in a class you have to first get my… Well… Attention. You do not do this by impersonating Charlie Browns teacher while spouting off dates and history.

Strike two.

If we actually wanted to look at the stars we had to come after hours (8 pm or later) and bring our own telescope. Keep in mind the class itself is in the middle of the woods completely secluded from the main campus and it is the only class with the only teacher in the whole small building.

Strike three, you’re out!

So, what do I do instead? Doodle. And I still managed to get an A in the class.

The reason I’m telling you this is because I had the encounter I normally do when people sitting next to me are bored like myself and I am doodling: they just sit there and watch me. So this guy I have not spoke to the entire semester (the introvert in me told me not to talk to strangers) one day says

“You’re really talented.”

General “Thank you I appreciate it” conversation ensues and the introvert says “He’s cool, you can talk to him now.”

Well through continued conversation I find out this guy is some amazingly talented tattoo/ mural painting artist that is well known in the area. We got to talking about my fiances tattoos, since I had not received my first at that time, he bust out his random “doodles” and pictures of his work. I also found an article on him later about a mural he painted on the Boardwalk where I live.

I about fell on the floor he is so good.

And this kind if stuff alway happens to me: people with amazing talent see my drawings and tell me they’re good. If my drawings are good your drawings are God.

Im always appreciative when someone compliments my work but when I see theirs I just want to hide my head in shame. So much talent all around me! It makes me happy to see, kind of gives me something to aspire towards.

That being said I still continue my ultimate doodling quest to really look at something I’ve done and say “I am completely happy with this.”

Until then, I’ll just be my worst critic.



#1 and #2 Random life rule


I’m aliveeee.
Sorry, for the lack of post I’ve been pretty busy lately. Happy to report the last item in our old place that needs to be moved is the vacuum! Which, unfortunately, I still need there so I can clean. Unsure of my feelings on reporting that we are having a roommate move in at the end of the month. Easing up on bills but taking away some privacy. I like the person moving in though he’s a cool fellow. Extra extra happy to report a canoe trip in two weeks, followed by official ‘full time’ title at work, and trip to new orleans the next weekend! Yay!

Anyway, during my very busy week, my friend and I were sitting at a bar, having a drink, talking about life. During our conversation we realized there are things we learn during adulthood that we were never taught as children. Nothing extremely significant, but just little random life rules that never came up in every day conversation with our parents.

So, I’ll be posting ‘random life rules’ as we come up with the list. Today’s random life rules:

1. Get your money back from the gas station. I know it seems silly, but when it happens to you the first time you may get slightly confused as to how to proceed. Say you pay $35 inside, either cash or credit, go outside and realize you only have room for about $30 worth of gas. Make sure you get a refund of some sort! Whether they give you cash or do some refund on your card. I had a situation one time where I was traveling and this happened. I used a card and the guy told me the money would be put back on my card automatically. Lies. Make sure you get your money back!

2. Take your receipts at restaurants. I realize not all waiters/ waitresses are like this, but there will be that one that feels they deserved a better tip than what you left him/her. And they will do something about it if you leave your customer copy of your restaurant receipt! They can change your tip and you’ve got no proof. Some establishments will probably take your word for it and try to dig up something, but my experience says otherwise. Though it wasn’t an excessive amount of money, I didn’t have my receipt so the manager just blew me off. People are so rude sometimes.


Anyway, I’m sure they seem like stupid life rules but it’s little insignificant things like that which don’t get taught to you as a kid that might make your life a little simpler one day.

The Versatile Blogger Award

ImageThanks so much to The Mostly confused Teenager for nominating me!

Here are the rules:

– Display the Award Certificate on your blog. Check!

ND_WINThis is how I feel right now!

– Link back to the person who nominated you. The Mostly Confused Teenager❤ You sweet person, you!

– Present 15 awards to 15 deserving bloggers. See the end of my post 😉

– Leave them a comment to let them know after you have linked them to a post. Check!

– Post 7 interesting things about yourself. I’m not that interesting but I’ll give it a go!

1. Talent… or lack there of. I am the worst whistler in the world. As a matter of fact, I’m so bad at it I can’t even do it at all. I can fold my tongue into a four leaf clover and stick my feet behind my head but, I can’t freaking whistle! It’s extremely aggravating because I want to whistle all the time. And I want to be able to sing along to that stupid 3Oh!3 song but I CAN’T because they whistle in the chorus so I feel like an idiot. Worst song ever.

2. Family. I have a little sister and a little brother. My sister lives with my mother and my brother (who is deaf) lives with my father. I’m the oldest of all the cousins on my father’s side, and the third oldest on my mom’s side (she is the youngest of 12 brothers and sisters so… yeah.)

3. Pets. I have been a dog owner all my life from Dachshunds, Basset Hound, English Spinger Spaniels, to Pitbulls! And I absolutely love dogs!! The Pittbulls have been my favorite so far they just melt my heart when I see their beautiful faces! But when I was a senior in high school I owned my first cat, an orange tabby named Jasper. He had the coolest personality, but ran away :(. Then I took ownership of a beautiful tabby (and I think he has some maine coon in him) named Elvis (Renamed: Cheeseburger[main name], KittyKitty, Fatty-McFatterson, ect.). Now, I’m going to be a crazy cat lady because I’m planning on getting a second cat… only if Cheeseburger can get along with other cats. He is going to have a slumber party with my godkitten Piper this Sunday (keep your fingers crossed). So far the attempts made have not been good. One day I hope to own another big dog, but one that wont try to eat my cat(s). I also have 3 fish, and have owned 4 hamsters, 3 bunnies and 3 turtles. We like to live with a farm.

4. Lifestyle. I have been a vegetarian for 13 years… only being 24 that’s quite a feat I’d say. Yes, I care about animal cruelty. Yes, I feel bad for them. But mostly, I just really hate meat. It taste gross to me and always has since I was younger. I grew up in a family abiding by the “you eat all of your food before you leave the table” rule. I would sit at the table for hours with everything eaten except the meat. Eventually I got smart and started stuffing it in my cup after I drank the contents. When I was excused from the table to put my plate away I’d stop by the trash can. Sneaky sneaky. Since then I have tried an abundance of fake meats and I love every single one of them!! I don’t know why. Maybe its the lack of guilt, blood, and fat, but it’s just better to me. My father used to say it was just a ‘phase’ I was going through.

Is it still a phase, dad?

5. Music. I love this weird style of music called Visual Kei… It’s a japanese genre of music that combines fashion (elaborate makeup, outfits, hair, ect) as well as the music. They don’t play a particular type of music, though most bands are rock/ pop. Even though I don’t speak japanese very well the genre is extremely appealing to me because they put so much thought into the different aspects of their band. From it I have learned to listen and love tons of different bands that don’t originate from America. I love the diversity and how different it is. If you aren’t very open minded listen to the music before you google it 😉 Otherwise, I enjoy just about every genre of music. Except country. Don’t care if I live in the south, I don’t do country.

6. Movies. I just love movies… my favorite has probably always been ‘The Crow‘ with Brandon Lee (RIP). Horror movies are my favorite genre, though I’ll watch just about anything. And I have a huge collection of original Disney VHS movies that are my among my prized (material) possessions; while all my dvd’s and bluray’s stay on the book shelf in the living room the VHS movies get to stay in my room so I can watch them to fall asleep to.<3

“People once believed, that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens, that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can’t rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes the crow could bring that soul back to put the wrong things right.”- Sarah


7. Something random. I have to eat my cereal before the pieces get soggy. They must be crunchy and I cannot drink the milk out of the bowl when I’m done. I can only drink milk when it has ice in it (it has to be as cold as possible).

And thats it! Now, drum roll please!


Here are my nominees:

A Curious Gal!

Scully Speaks!

The Better Man Project!


Beauty and Makeup!


The Snapchat Artist!

Cristian Mihai!


Lynx Overworld!


Highest Form of Whit!

The Warning Sign!

Zany Zach!

Ray Ferrer!


Everything will be alright.

But what if it’s not?

It will be. You’re over thinking again.

Or you’re under thinking.

I need a distraction from your negativity. Something to calm my mind.

I’ll be waiting. I have the patients of a saint, you know.

I can run from your words.

I am also a tracker. I will hunt you faster than you can run.

I will cover my ears.

I will scream louder.

I won’t believe you.

Won’t you?

I am stronger than your words.

My words are your thoughts.

The thoughts I don’t want to hear.
Don’t want to know.
Don’t want to believe.

Then, why are you having them?

Everyone has doubts and worries.

You just have more.

I am stronger than you.

Sure you are. And everything will be alright.

… But what if it’s not….

Now, we are getting somewhere.


It is not all about what you see with your eyes.
Beauty should make you feel.

You can use all the makeup in the world.
Get every surgery you can afford.
Buy the most expensive clothes.
Work out until you are at 0% body fat.
Or even just use your natural beauty to win the hearts of millions.

Personality is something you cannot fake.

You could be the most visually appealing person in the world, but if your personality is rotten: you are not beautiful.

I could never pin point an amazing personality based of someones age, color, size, up bringing, or any distinct characteristics.

You have good people,
And you have bad people.

You have beautiful people,
And you have ugly people.

Beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder, but the heart of the beholder. Because if someone with a chiseled face, great body, and great fashion sense makes you feel like you’re worth nothing:
They are not the beautiful ones.



“The sands of time cannot be stopped. Years pass whether we will them or not… But we can remember. What has been lost may yet live on in memories. That which you will hear is imperfect and fragmented, yet treasure it, for without you it does not exists. I give you now a memory that has been forgotten, hidden in the dreamy haze that lies behind us.”

Thats what the world is missing these days: a good story.

I wish I had more opportunity to sit with the elder and hear stories. And I’m not talking about what happened yesterday at the grocery store or how kids these days don’t appreciate anything.

But something real.

I don’t have memories of sitting in the living room while my grandparents told us stories about when they were growing up.
The war.
People I’ll never meet.

They’re still alive. I think when I go visit them this fall instead of playing board games all night we will tell stories. If this happens, maybe I will share them with you. If I remember.

Story telling is a lost art. Thats all I could think about when reading that quote. So much so, I had to blog about it because I couldn’t continue reading.

Do you get like that with books sometimes when you read something that really makes you think?

Quote from Eragon (book 1) by Christopher Paolini

How To Get Bigger and Brighter appearing eyes? TIPS & TRICKS!

Check out this awesome blog that uses me as a reference link below in the big eyes makeup tutorial<3!


Hello darlings! In this blog post I will help you transform your small droopy, tired looking eyes into big beautiful ones! Unfortunately most people, including myself are born with smaller sized eyes and hooded eyes. My eyes are slightly hooded, so most of the time I have to put in the extra effort with my eyeshadows to make sure not only you can see my eyeshadow, but to make my eyes appear larger.

There are so many ways to achieve a wide eyed look. I know we all see women like Mila Kunis…or Ann Hathaway and are like WHY DO I NOT HAVE DOE EYES THAT CAN MAE YOUR HEART MELT?! Or…At least I do this lol. this is where makeup is a magical tool, it can slim down your face and make it appear to lost ten pounds. Makeup can transform someone from shy and awkward feeling to confident…

View original post 832 more words

To Do List for the Day

1. Wake up early and start my day being productive. Wake up early and go back to bed while cuddling with my cat for 2 hours.

2. Look normal, don’t take 20 years to get dressed/ do makeup.
Kind of~ Check

3. Get boxes ready for shipping! Best friend’s birthday/ ‘be part of my wedding’ present as well as my bride’s maids presents 🙂
(Want to see whats inside of them? This one is my sisters.)

4. Make two trips to take the trash out, including 4 pizza boxes…

5. Blog instead of calling (A.) the lady about our storage key or (B.) booking The Landing for our wedding ceremony or (C.) calling in my prescription refill to the pharmacy
because I hate talking on the phone.

6. Clip coupons… It’s my first time, I’m kind of nervous.

7. Publish this blog and then actually call those people I was suppose to call.
Check and maybe.

8. Make a facebook page with wedding invite and for bride’s maids once I officially get the ceremony site booked.

9.-11. Leave the apartment to take the boxes to the post office, pick up the storage key, and shove food in my mouth because I’m starving.
Hopefully check soon.


Is the world speaking through your mind.


I try to eat healthy on a normal basis but some days it just doesn’t work. Between late work nights and lack of food in the house, the world is against me.

Today all that could be found in my house was 1/4 a container of Greek yogurt, a can of kidney beans and condiments. So I ventured off to get Moe’s before work. If you do not have a Moe’s Southwest Grill where you live: I’m sorry.

They have just about everything. Including a soda machine with 100+ flavors… and I don’t even drink soda! My only complaints include: they don’t have spinach and they put onions in their guacamole.

One day my metabolism is going to catch up with me and say, “Shame on you for all that Moe’s queso dip.” Eat and be happy while you can though, right? I’ll just work out.

Side note since I was speaking of the world being against me: if restaurants do not stop putting bacon in my food I’m going to go on an angry rampage. One that involves me eating said bacon and getting violently ill in their place of work because I haven’t put meat in my body in almost 14 years… This has happened four times this year alone! People are putting bacon in the weirdest stuff.. Like black bean soup.

Who puts bacon in black bean soup? Really.

Anyway, while eating my delicious non-bacon inhabited food, I watched “House at the End of the Street” with Jennifer Lawrence. It is actually pretty good; sort of your normal thriller with a twist. I wouldn’t have complained if I saw it in theaters. Plus, I love Jennifer Lawrence.