BeccaBear's Blog

The cat’s pajamas

Monthly Archives: June 2013

I am Lost

Everyone in life goes through ups and downs.
We all have our depressed moments in life and our happy ones.

I can gladly inform you I am no different from the rest of you.
I know many who had it much rougher than myself
And  I know those who had it easier than me.

Heart Break
Suicide
Abuse
Bullying
Addiction
Sex
Obseity
Loss
Drugs
Alcohol
Anorexia
Loneliness
I wont tell you which of those apply to me, but I know you’re thinking of the ones that apply to you.

We all go through it and my best advice on getting to the other side of that dark tunnel is:
Fight your fucking way out even if it kills you.
Don’t depend on others for your fight.
This is for you and your well being, not theirs.
They wont fight as hard for you as you will for yourself.

I can safely say I have fought my way out of my dark pit on many occasions
and when I feel myself slipping back into it I start building my ladder before I descend.

Everyone has a crutch.
Something to make them feel Sane,
Wanted,
Cared about,
Even Loved.

Something they can devote themselves to fully that fills them with joy and happiness.

I myself have many things I have discovered over the years that made me happy
Music
Art
Colorguard
Dancing
Friends
Hell, the Internet.
And when I feel that dark cloud hanging over my head I grasp one of them with all my might and strangle the light back into me.

But I lost a good portion of those things when I finally thought I had truly made myself happy and would not look back to the sadness and despair.
After all, I finally left high school,
Got an education,
Found love,
I became an adult.

Adults don’t need those things.
Adults just wake up in the morning,
And do what they are suppose to.

They have a great life.
They go get a job.
Or a career.
They pay bills.
They fall in love.
They have a family.
They fuck their family up on the occasion.
And then they move on.
Bullshit.

Childish way to look at thing, I know
But we all have to learn.

Through my stages of [content] life I can feel my demons creeping up on me again,
And in my harsh reality I realized I needed to find myself again.
I need those things I loved to pull me out of what may come.

You only go up from down,
And you can only go down from up.
Its a constant battle and even if you stay up in the air for a long period of time never forget:
The ground is waiting to catch you,
And it wont be gentle.

So I am seeking myself back out,
Trying to find the strong person who I was,
And molding myself into someone greater.
Someone more alive.
Someone who can share hope with others.

And most importantly
Love.

I want to surround those I care about most with Love.

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Home is where the heart is

I love where I live,
Plain and simple.

Cons of my home:
-It feels like I’m swimming all the time (humidity).
-The above does not agree with my curly hair.
-It gets boring unless you drive 30 minutes to an hour away. You can only go to the beach so much.
-Its hot. All the time. We probably have about 2-3 months if we are lucky out of the year where it is cold enough for my scarf fetish.
-I run into 1/2 of my graduating class that I didn’t speak to, know, or like on a daily basis. Those conversations just get awkward because they always want to talk.
-Southern hospitality. People saying ‘Hi’ and being nice really isn’t a bad thing; sometimes you just want to be left alone though. And sometimes people are just too nice.

Pros:
-Southern hospitality. Also, a good thing because I love meeting new people. Even when people are ‘too nice,’ its good to know people notice you. Kind of makes you smile if anything else. I also feel as though it gives me a reason to say ‘Hi’ to everyone because I’m from the south and its what we do.
-Beautiful. If you don’t believe me, look at the pictures. I’m not a pro photographer or anything and they were all taken with my iPhone, but pictures say a thousand words. Or so they say.
-The beach. Its free, potentially hours of entertainment, I can: play volley ball (haha doesn’t happen), swim, drink, people watch, tan, drink, swim some more, and did I mention its free?
-Everyone always comes home. Unfortunately, after high school a lot of my close friends moved off to bigger and better things. Fortunately, they always come home at least once a year.
-My family is here (mom and sister anyway) and home is where the heart is.

The cons and pros are fairly evenly matched, but when I have my doubts all I have to do it go outside and look around me. Preferably not in a place where there are people.

One day maybe Ill leave. That probably wont happen for a while. Thank you for reading my mindless ramble. Now you may enjoy the pictures of my home. 🙂

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This is crab island! If you’ve never been prepare to see naked drunk people and maybe even get drunk yourself if you’re lucky.

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We Floridians like to do crazy things like tubing in shark infested waters. We live life on the edge.

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Destin Bridge from a boat.

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Good shot of the Harbor Walk from a boat (There is another picture down below of what it looks like when you are walking there)

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Boat in the water. *Captain Obvious*

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That’s a pirate ship.  I believe its also a restaurant.

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Firework boat for our festivals.

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Nature. I walk a lot so I have a lot of these kinds of pictures. This one is probably one of my favorites.

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Feeding the birds at the zoo. I never liked zoos until I read ‘The Life of Pi.’ Now I’m ok with them as long as they take good care of their animals.

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The giraffe is my favorite at this zoo (because they don’t have pandas ;))

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The Harbor Walk in Destin. Yes those deserts say “Bacon Love.” And the Jester at the bottom is an amazing alcoholic beverage they serve. There are a lot of restaurants, art exhibits, stores, kayak/ paddle board/ jet ski/ boat rental, live shows, festivals, fireworks and soon to be zip lining and Margarita Vile.

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We have a lot of clubs that do a lot of shows, this one is Coheed and Cambria at the Swamp. I love Coheed and Cambria!! They didn’t do much but the ingenious sound they were producing was amazing. This is where I went to my first concert at many years ago 😉

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In This Moment at Club LA. Probably one of my favorite shows ever Maria Brinks has amazing stage presence and puts on a great show. If you ever get the chance to see them go!

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Local joint called “Fudpuckers” has amazing food and drinks its one of the bigger ‘touristy’ restaurants. This is my friend Melissa and myself sharing a drink.

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Whats a picture of my home without the beach? This is under the pier.

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Two of my best friends walking down Pensacola beach.

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This is one of my favorite things about my home.<3 Yes the sand is white. No filter or edits. This is just my beach in all its glory.

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We have some great parks. I don’t like this one so much because it doesn’t have a swing. They are fun to eat lunch at or just to go be a kid again.

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We like to play goofy golf.

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A lot.

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I make a lot of friends on my daily walks.

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We have lots of arcades. This is my nephew 🙂 There is an arcade in Fudpuckers now called Fat Daddy’s and its amazing.

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This is Fat Daddys. These are my friends 🙂 We bough smarties and moon blasters with all of our tickets.

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This is what I like to call a “Floriday”

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A friend on one of my walks.

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This is in downtown. Its where the cool kids hang out.

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Recent adventure with friends at our local bowling alley. Melissa and myself did our makeup all ‘zombie’fied and decided to go out. Because that’s what we do.

Group Sex

Today Im going to talk about group sex…

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Perv.

No really this is a joke I just wanted to post this picture because it kind of moved me.

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(I do not own this picture I came across it on my iFunny adventures if it is your please claim it)

Finale

And what does it matter if in the

E
n
d

When the world stops turning,
and your heart stops beating,
you pause for just a second before that final moment,
to look back and see all that you’re leaving behind,

but all those you wished to reach out to were blind to your existence.

And what does it matter if in the

e
N
d

You failed to part take your greatest feat,
reach your highest goals,
accomplish your biggest dreams and aspirations,

but instead you helped one, small someone when they were in need.

And what does it matter if in the

e
n
D

You look back on  your life and realized you are as small as an ant in the universe.

b
u
t

As long as you help the colony build and grow,
As long as you show compassion for those who live,
As long as you believe in a life where you know you make a difference,
As long as you leave that tiniest footprint in the heart of someone that mattered,

Then it was not such a small life after all.

And in the END when you turn around to look back on your existence,
You will be able to keep walking.

Endure

It is the difficult times we must endure
Those times that really show you who you really are,
or who you’d like to become.

They make you stronger,
Make you think,
Make you learn.

Times like when you play pokemon blue for two hours and don’t realize your battery is dying before its too late and you haven’t saved.

Yes, times like that are hard.
But you can always flip the switch back on once you’ve replaced the batteries…

Too bad the real world isn’t like that.

Devices

When I was younger electronic devices started becoming a big thing.

The computer could send emails,
cell phones came out, were bricks, then became a reasonable size
Gaming systems got cooler,
Graphics got better,
MP3s evolved faster than Pokemon,
And Google. ‘Nuff said.

Thats when kids stopped playing outside. I was one of those kids.

So, I spent much of my childhood dabbling in as much technology as I could, becoming completely engrossed.

Don’t get me wrong I made some of my best friends online some of which I have met in real life and some which I still keep in contact with. A lot of great times and discussions have arisen from spending time at movie theaters, on many versions of playstation, creeping on peoples myspace, ect.

But I am here to tell you that if you are like me and submerge your life in technology, you need to set all your devices down, get away from your computer desk, get out of your house and go on a walk.

Find the farthest place from human activity you can, stop and do one thing:

Breath.
You will feel free.

Now for those of you in big cities or industrial driven societies this may be difficult but do your best.

Don’t bring your phone or even your camera. Just your body.

And even though you didn’t instagram it or tweet about it or update your facebook status about how beautiful it is,
You will remember it.
I promised.

However, if you get eaten by a bear, jumped by a hobo, or fall in a ditch: do not hold me responsible.
Beauty has a price take the risk!