BeccaBear's Blog

The cat’s pajamas


Comfort and happiness are things we strive for in our lives.
But I am starting to realize the two are not necessarily synonymous.

I have a great family, great friends, great fiancé, great job, and a beautiful place to live. But something about it is all unsettling: I just don’t know if I am happy being content.

Growing up as the typical “good, responsible kid” is starting to take a toll. I want to do something crazy! I want to move far, far away where I don’t know a single person and noone can find me. It seems easier to run away and start over than figure out my problems and fix it. I suppose it is the chickens way out, but it seems much more exciting.

However, I know I would never do that to my friends and family. They mean so much to me it hurts to think about hurting them like that.

Which brings me to my next point: psychological egoism.

Psychological egoism is the theory that human behavior is motivated by self interest. I am fully aware that my motives for making other people happy is so they will like me. There is something about knowing others are disappointed in me or do not like me that just crushes my soul and makes me want to cry.

I need to stop this.

I am so obsessed with making other people happy that I put them before myself, almost always.
Because maybe if they are happy enough they will praise me and love me. I am selfless for ulterior selfish motives, if that makes sense.

Or maybe this thought has come about because I am just scared that I am getting too settled in my life. Maybe its time for a change.

So, what is more important: being content or being happy?


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