BeccaBear's Blog

The cat’s pajamas

Monthly Archives: May 2013


Comfort and happiness are things we strive for in our lives.
But I am starting to realize the two are not necessarily synonymous.

I have a great family, great friends, great fiancé, great job, and a beautiful place to live. But something about it is all unsettling: I just don’t know if I am happy being content.

Growing up as the typical “good, responsible kid” is starting to take a toll. I want to do something crazy! I want to move far, far away where I don’t know a single person and noone can find me. It seems easier to run away and start over than figure out my problems and fix it. I suppose it is the chickens way out, but it seems much more exciting.

However, I know I would never do that to my friends and family. They mean so much to me it hurts to think about hurting them like that.

Which brings me to my next point: psychological egoism.

Psychological egoism is the theory that human behavior is motivated by self interest. I am fully aware that my motives for making other people happy is so they will like me. There is something about knowing others are disappointed in me or do not like me that just crushes my soul and makes me want to cry.

I need to stop this.

I am so obsessed with making other people happy that I put them before myself, almost always.
Because maybe if they are happy enough they will praise me and love me. I am selfless for ulterior selfish motives, if that makes sense.

Or maybe this thought has come about because I am just scared that I am getting too settled in my life. Maybe its time for a change.

So, what is more important: being content or being happy?



I am not be rich, therefore,
I dont travel very far from home
But I have some amazing adventures.

If you are interested in going on grand adventures I have some suggestions for you:

Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter by Laurell K Hamilton (warning: this one gets raunchy and once it hits book 9 gets a little dull/ repetitive. The first part of the series is good though). This is an animator/vampire/werewolf/sex/sex/moresex series about Anita Blake, a zombie raiser/ legal vampire hunter, and her many encounters with the supernatural. So far released 22 books, but the next book scheduled to release July 2, 2013. It is also a comic book, though I have not looked into it.

The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Braken is a government controlling/ futuristic fictional series. One of those ‘government effecting our children’s lives’ much like the Hunger Games (which I suggest if you have not read). Unfortunately only the first book of the series is out; volume two is scheduled for release on October 15, 2013. Damn near cried by the end of the first book! Can’t wait for the second.

Divergent by Veronica Roth (they are making a movie of this one soon)- government controlling plot: this story follows a young girl who is faced with the decision to leave her family in pursuit of happiness. Government controlling children books seem to be all the rage these days but if you read any of them this is the first one I suggest! Third book is scheduled to release October 22, 2013.

The Infernal Devices series (complete) by Cassandra Clare. This series is simply amazing and although it is kind of slow to get into the final book is magical. It is a fiction/ fantasy series about a group of demon hunters called “Shadow Hunters” and a look into the life of Tessa Gray after meeting the group of Shadow Hunters who live in London, England circa 1878. Easily one of my favorite books of all time. I picked it up after I began to read the Mortal Instrument series (next book release scheduled March 1, 2014) also by Clare, which is the sequel to the Infenal Devices.
If these books have caught your heart give the Bane chronicles by Cassandra Clare and various other authors a shot. Written exclusively about everyones favorite gay warlock, Magnus Bane, the series will include 10 short stories and will only be available via ebooks with the possibility of being published once the whole series has been released. I am seriously going to have abs by the end of the series volume 1 and 2 are hysterical so far.

I am not going to lie: I am 24 years old and I grew up with Harry Potter by my side. I did not like reading as a child at all, but you couldn’t keep these books out of my hands. Riddikulus, I know. But when I was 11 years old I started an amazing adventure with him and his friends, and it was the best time of my life.
As millions of you know, Harry Potter (complete, unfortunately) by J.K. Rowling is the story of a young orphan boy, brought up in a house where he is shown no love, only to discovers the world kept hidden from him for 11 years. The boy who lived, at the ripe age of 1, destroyed Voldemort thanks to the love of his mother. But he-who-must-not-be-named was not completely destroyed, for someone as evil as he could not be gotten rid of that easily. From the moment Harry steps into the wizarding world to go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he is constantly faced with the danger of Voldemort coming to power again.
You would think 7 books about one dark wizards fall, return and rise to power might get boring, but on top of the Dark Lord breathing down his neck Harry also has to get through 7 years of schooling. Could you imagine some big, bad trying to kill you WHILE getting your education, being a great loyal friend and keeping from being eaten by strange creatures you didn’t know existed? This kid did. And I am proud to have been a fan from the very beginning, until the very end.
If you have not read these books, first off: shame on you. Second: what the hell are you waiting for?

Life of Pi by Yann Martel (read the book, its better than the movie)- this one is a little bit of everything: religion, animal behaviorist, blow your mind philosophy. The movie does it barely any justice at all, though it is a good movie. More so fiction than fantasy, this book really makes you think about the world around you and how you perceive religion, animals, and human beings.

Mercedes Thompson series by Patricia Briggs- shifter/vampire/fantasy create series. I have not really submerged myself into this series but it comes highly recommended by my close friends who share similar taste in books. Volume one was intriguing I just haven’t had the opportunity to continue with the series which has 7 installments thus far.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan. God please, do not see the movie. Ever. Read the books they are so amazing, they completely destroyed the plot of the entire series in one fell swoop. The series has 5 books about Percy Jackson who discovers he is a demi-god, half god half human, son of the greek god Poseidon. The whole series is well versed in Greek mythology with a few twist and ironic details. The series spin offs of Percy Jackson, The Heroes of Olympus, are worth the read as well; I myself have only read the first of this series but it is definitely on my “finish reading” list.

Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chibosky (another book better than the movie). A life story of a boy going through the trauma of being a teen with a dark secret that even he has difficulty uncovering. Not fantasy at all, breaks your heart at the end. Seems a little intrusive reading about what happened to him but definitely worth the read.

There really is nothing like a good book to move your heart and soul to places beyond your grasp. I highly suggest if you have not read a book on this list (and you’re interested in the genre) that you check it out.

Although it might all be in my head a wise man once said,
‘Just because its in your head, doesnt make it any less real.’


I find I am mediocre at many things and art is one of them. I have tried multiple different mediums and this is what I have come up with over the years.


One of my first inked pictures circa 2006? I believe. This is Koryu from the manga Wish by CLAMP.


Digital art work, originally charcoal (2006) drawing but revamped (2007) using an old photoshop (Kaoruscherryblossom was my name). This is Kisaki from a Phantasmagoria shoot.


“A Little Piece of Life” originally pencil, finished digitally. Made in 2009.

‘When you grow up you discover its easy to break. Things can change at any moment now.

You never know when you’re going to fall.’


Charcoal sketch of Miyavi 2009. Digitally enhances, mostly still the original. One of my favorite musical artist. This man (yes man) has more talent in his pinky that I have in my entire body!


I am happy, yet unhappy with this one. This is all 7 years of Harry Potter (clockwise from top left corner) done in acrylic paint. I only like a few of the faces. Made in 2012. I have a few other acrylic paintings that I would like to post, however, most of them are currently sitting in my room, unfinished, waiting for motivation.

Once, when taking a College Success class, I did a project on ‘bad habits’ during school. Mine was doodling; I made 5 collages of doodles from my note book in just that class, just that one semester (about 2-3 month long course). Each collage had about 10 pictures.

When I draw, it just happens. Like I said I’m not the best at it, but I enjoy doing it. My favorite medium is probably charcoal, but digital work is more appealing to me. Everything is digital these days though, so I think it becomes a little bias to prefer digital work over traditional. I enjoy acrylic paints, but I still have a lot to learn about it. Once I master that maybe I will try my luck with oil painting.


Feel with your heart, think with your brain

As my first blog I feel it necessary to introduce myself:

Hi, my name is Becca.

I live in a small town, jam packed with tourist. The people who live in my town know everything about everyone and that can be quite frustrating. However, with beaches as white as snow, I always have an escape from them.

Im a professional broken bone photographer with a love for pandas, my cat, books, music and video games. My life goal is to see the Giant Pandas in China. My cat is obese. I’ll always believe in magic⚡. My playlist raise eyebrows for being so musically diverse. And LoL is my addiction.

I have been considered an “odd ball” all my life (though whose to say what is really odd these days). People say I am “different” but I say I’m myself. I like me just the way I am.

My imperfections make me perfect. If you don’t agree: go away.

I look for inspirational people in the world, with amazing stories or who may also be considered “strange.” I tend to make friends with these people. Please share your story with me❤